My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
