you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
