I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
