Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
