We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
