I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
