I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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