i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
