i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
