Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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