i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
