The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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