Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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