thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
