last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
