Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We have started to decorate penises.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
