I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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