guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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