lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
