and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
