my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
