I'm going to jail i love you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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