But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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