just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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