I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
