and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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