honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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