What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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