i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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