At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
