in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
