The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What a dumb baby whore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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