I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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