I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
