Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
