This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
