Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
