I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
