i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
