All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
