so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
