Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
