I'm eating all of the evidence.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
