I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How's work?
Spinning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
