I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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