It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
