I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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