me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
