he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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