You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
